Ernie’s Fear March 8, 2010
Posted by Amy in devotion.Tags: fear, peace, fear of the Lord
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(c) Amy S. Lewis, 2010
Ernie has a few very irrational fears. Boulders. Tree stumps. I don’t understand why he fears those things. It’s a little discouraging actually because his fears tell me he doesn’t fully trust me to lead him safely. Many of us fear heights, spiders, snakes or flying. While they are very real to us, some would say these fears are irrational as well.
Horse..fear from katefilipi
There’s one fear that is not irrational, but it’s seldom seen in our society. A fear of the Lord.
Proverbs tells us, “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in understanding.” (9:10). And Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 says, “Fear God and obey his commands for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.”
Fear Grounded in Respect and Awe
We are to fear God, but not as Ernie cowers at a rock or I scream at a snake. Fear of the Lord is grounded in respect, in knowing that God is in control of every circumstance – he holds life and breath for every living being in his hands. We should fear him because he is perfect and holy, and in comparison, we fall short. We are not to be ashamed of ourselves but be in awe of God because of his perfection, patience, grace and mercy.
We should also fear him because he will judge us one day. If we have a true fear of the Lord and an ever-present realization that he knows everything we say and do, we may be more reluctant to gossip or judge someone. Perhaps we’d be more willing to share our faith with those who do not yet believe. God’s treatment of nonbelievers on judgment day will be a truly fearful scene. He will separate them like chaff from wheat and throw them into the lake of fire. The thought of that should instill the fear of the Lord in anyone.
Do Not Be Afraid
There are also many times when the Bible tell us “do not be afraid.” In context, God is telling us not to fear people, or sickness or death or financial lack. Fear only him and he will subdue your other fears and give you peace. Trust him to lead you and protect you.
Isaiah 26:3 (NLT): You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Questions for reflection:
1. What fears affect your horse? How does it make you feel when your horse fears something?
2. What does it mean to you to fear the Lord? What does it look like to you?
3. How do you describe someone who fears God? What character traits could you model in your own life?
WoL Retreat – A Hug March 4, 2010
Posted by Amy in random thoughts.Tags: answered prayer, Water of Life
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Isn’t it just like God to know exactly what you need, when you need it? Whether expressed in words or groanings, God hears our prayers and knows our hearts, and like a loving Father, he wants to give us what we need and want as long as it’s in our best interests. Sometimes the simplest things let us know he hears us.
hug me from jo-h
When I’m feeling like God is not hearing my prayers, I will sometimes ask him for something so small, yet unmistakable, so that I can plainly see when he responds. It encourages me in my faith and in dedication to prayer. One particular example, a group with which I was involved was planning a day of volunteering. Our numbers were a bit shy of what we had hoped just a few days before. I prayed that God would bring us two more people who had never been a part of our group. The morning of the event, three people we didn’t know came to help us. I was so encouraged. God was hearing my prayers.
What encourages you to stay dedicated in prayer? Do you have examples of simple prayers that God has answered?
WoL Retreat – My Agenda March 3, 2010
Posted by Amy in random thoughts.Tags: God's love, guilt, shame, soul ties, Water of Life
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Isaiah 61:7: Instead of shame and dishonor,
you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
I attended the weekend retreat for my Water of Life class this weekend. The course helps people live life more fully by letting go of the past and living in the love of God.
I went into the weekend filled with anticipation and desperation. I felt so broken, a control freak out of control. I came to the retreat and to God with my agenda. I needed his help and knew where I needed it.
Stop Wishing for a Better Past
In the first talk, our pastor said, “Stop wishing for a better past.” How many of us hold onto the “If onlys” or “I wish I would have…”? I’ve heard a hundred times that we need to put our past behind us and live for today; I heard it differently this time.
Not Going There
During a session on letting go of shame and guilt, God raised something in my subconscious that I had done my best to bury many, many years ago. I discounted it by thinking, “No, God, we’re not going there. It’s past, where it belongs. What about this instead”? I always have my own agenda!
Well, God really did intend to deal with that situation from my past. I didn’t see it as shameful but he knew better. He knew it needed to surface so that I could let it go and not hold it over myself any longer. But it wasn’t until later in the day that I wrestled with it.
Self-Imposed Obstacle
Sticking to my agenda got in the way much of the day. I wasn’t able to fully connect with follow-up messages because I was standing in the way. During one of the prayer times, I told the intercessor/anointer that something was blocking me from hearing from God. I didn’t know what it was. I asked God to show me. He did, later.
Yes, We’re Going There
When the session on soul ties came up, a lot of self disgust and pain did too. It was like a volcano erupting from inside of me. I cried and cried as I approached the intercessor/anointer. I said to her, “Do I really have to go here”?, meaning do I really have to confess all my past ties that were holding me hostage? It was too painful, too shameful to discuss with someone else.
The process of confessing and renouncing (I repented several year ago) was so freeing. God came in and healed those shame-filled crevices in my heart. He replaced that shame with his love. Thank God, he kept pursuing me and pushing me to address my past wounds. Now my shame is gone.
Now, I will inherit a double portion of honor and prosperity.
WoL Retreat – Dancing March 2, 2010
Posted by Amy in random thoughts.Tags: dancing, God's love, Water of Life
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I love to dance. It lifts my spirits. If there’s music playing somewhere, I’m likely dancing and singing along.
Sunset Party Dancing Girl...from Pink Sherbet Photography
This past weekend I got a picture of God dancing over me that filled me with joy. I attended the retreat for my Water of Life class, a class to help people break free from their pasts, from guilt and shame, from addictions and strongholds. The one thought that struck me deep inside and resonated throughout the entire weekend: God dances over me. It’s derived from Zephaniah 3:17-18:
For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
“I will gather you who mourn for the appointed festivals;
you will be disgraced no more.
The idea that the Lord watches over me and is delighted with me was overwhelming. I’ve heard it before but because of the way the class worked through my past I could feel God’s love rather than my disgrace.
The verse trigger my memory of a song, “Lord, I’m Amazed by You”. It starts with the lyrics:
You dance over me, while I am unaware.
You sing all around me, but I never hear a sound.
Lord, I’m amazed by you. Lord, I’m amazed by you.
Lord, I’m amazed by you, how you love me.
Amazed is just how I felt. Not to mention free.
It caused me to do a word study on “dance” in the Bible, which led me to the following verses that illustrating the change one experiences when he/she can let go of their past and fully accept God and Christ:
Psalm 30:11-12: You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
Jeremiah 31:13: The young women will dance for joy,
and the men—old and young—will join in the celebration.
I will turn their mourning into joy.
I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing.
Isaiah 61:3: To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Isaiah 62:3-5: The Lord will hold you in his hand for all to see—
a splendid crown in the hand of God…
for the Lord delights in you
and will claim you as his bride…
Then God will rejoice over you
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.
What a picture of God’s love and mercy and joy. If you’ve struggled to know the love of God, I hope you are encouraged by the song, by the scriptures.
I’ll be sharing more from my weekend retreat in the next few days. I hope my experience is relevant to you in some way.
Unsuspecting February 28, 2010
Posted by Amy in devotion.Tags: faith, God's love, grace, rescued horses
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It’s winter, so I don’t see Ernie much. But I can picture him in his pasture with his buddies like I’m watching from afar. I know the next time I visit, he will be surprised to see me because I’m unexpected. He’ll nuzzle my pockets searching out anything that resembles a treat. When he comes to me, we both receive a reward of love – I get to shower my love on him and he gets a treat. It’s a good thing for both of us.
Neglected and abused horses
Ernie’s life is unlike that of many other horses. Sadly, far too many horses live a life of neglect. Their only food is the nutritionless forage they can scrape from the dry ground. Their bodies are often emaciated and their hooves grossly in need of a trim. Some have been beaten. Today’s economy has exasperated the problem, giving rising to abused and neglected horses abandoned by owners who fell into hard times.
When these neglected horses are rescued from their living hell, there’s a period of adjustment. The horses are suspicious of people for fear of further abuse. They can be ornery because they’ve learned to fend for themselves. It takes time before they trust that their new life is real and long-term.
God seeks us
When I pursue and love Ernie, or when a neglected horse is rescued to a new life, it’s like when God seeks and saves a person trapped within the darkness of the world. We’re unsuspecting. We don’t even know we need help or that we can choose a life different than the one in which we feel trapped. When we’re accustomed to a life of self-centeredness, worldly pursuits and fending for ourselves, he comes in and gets our attention.
Given our past, we’re leery of God’s promises and gestures of love and blessing. It takes us a while to understand the very different life of a Christian. We have to learn to trust God when previously we leaned on our own understanding, experience and strength.
One of the most well-known and powerful stories of someone being sought out and converted by God is that of Saul (Paul). Read Acts 9 if you’re not familiar with the story. His previous life was one that opposed God and persecuted believers. Little did he know that he would one day become God’s leading evangelist, missionary and Bible author. God is changing lives like this still today.
Nathaniel was also destined to be Jesus’ disciple before he had even met Jesus. Here is the account from John 1:47-50:
47 As they approached, Jesus said, “Now here is a genuine son of Israel—a man of complete integrity.”
48 “How do you know about me?” Nathanael asked.
Jesus replied, “I could see you under the fig tree before Philip found you.”
49 Then Nathanael exclaimed, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God—the King of Israel!”
50 Jesus asked him, “Do you believe this just because I told you I had seen you under the fig tree? You will see greater things than this.”
Nothing to earn, just accept
That is the beauty of the Gospel message. It’s not something we can force on others nor something we can deny when the truth is revealed to us. We have not been saved because we are better than anyone else or have earned it in some way. It’s just like that neglected horse can’t choose to be rescued, doesn’t realize the good things it will receive once it’s been saved and all that will come from trusting in this new life.
The wonder of it all – we don’t have to do anything. We just receive it like Ernie receives a treat from me. And when we do, God and we are bursting with love.
Jeremiah 31:3 (NLT): Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
Deuteronomy 7:7-8a (NLT): The Lord did not set his heart on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you…
My Favorite Rides February 25, 2010
Posted by Amy in devotion.Tags: conflict, confrontation, expectations, resentment
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My favorite rides with Ernie are the ones when he and I seem to be on the same page. He follows my cues, is relaxed and doesn’t fight me. Those days I enjoy the scenery, people and activity around me, and the blissful union with my horse. I wish every ride were like this.
Some rides, however, look much different as I’ve said before. It’s a familiar story if you read “Teachings” with any regularity. At times, Ernie nervously prances. Chomps on his bit. Aggressively and suddenly turnarounds toward home or the trailer. In those situations, there’s no way for us to avoid conflict because his will and mine are not in alignment. My views and expectations are not necessarily what he sees as right for him.
Confrontation ensues.
I try to coax him to relax and understand my desires. Sometimes, in an effort break him of his bad habits, I spin him around in circles until he sees that it’s best to listen to me rather than ignore me. I redirect him away from the barn or trailer so he doesn’t get his way. Letting him continue in his behavior would just further frustrate and anger me. It would leave me feeling disappointed and resentful toward my horse. I have to confront his behavior. After confronting his behavior, I sometimes see that the best way to come into agreement with Ernie is to drop the reins (see previous post: Holding Tightly to the Reins.)
Conflict is Unavoidable
In our human relationships, it’s also true that we cannot avoid conflict. People’s expectations, opinions and desires all differ, so what is right for one person may conflict with someone else. Conflict is not wrong – it’s normal. All too often, however, we avoid confronting the conflict to spare ourselves the discomfort of disagreement and the potential to hurt another’s feelings.
Photo Friendly Horses by crowt59
We need to remember, confrontation is not always negative.
Sometimes not confronting a situation or a person results in bigger fractures in relationships, resentments and hurt feelings. Without addressing it, we could imagine the rift worse than it really is, exaggerating the problem and making it harder to confront the issue. Confrontation can actually deepen relationships when handled well. It can help two people see beneath the other’s surface to those vulnerable places that we all have.
The key to confrontation and resolving the conflict is to approach the situation with godly humility, respect and love for the other person and his/her feelings and opinions. Put yourself in their shoes. And don’t confront someone when you’re boiling mad. Your emotions are bound to take over and you’ll probably say something you’ll regret later. Yelling at Ernie never gets the result I want and yelling at our family and friends rarely brings about the desired outcome either.
Negotiation
It’s through civil confrontation that both sides may be able to negotiate a compromise so that one person doesn’t feel slighted and the other the victor. Sometimes through respectful conversation, we may conclude that we can’t come to agreement. Sometimes what’s best for one person isn’t the best for the other. That’s okay. We don’t have to agree on everything and we won’t.
The key to confrontation is to do our best to preserve our relationships in spite of the conflict. That’s only possible when we give up our right to be right and let love motivate our conversation and desires.
Questions for reflection:
1. Who in your life may you need to confront so that you can resolve a conflict and overcome hurt feelings or missed expectations?
2. What is the basis for the conflict? How might the other person view the situation? How do his or her expectations differ from yours?
3. How and when can you respectfully confront the situation in order to preserve the relationship long-term? I find rehearsing the conversation in my head or with a trusted friend helps me edit out comments that be hurtful or misconstrued.
Psalm 4:4 (NLT): Don’t sin by letting anger control you.
Think about it overnight and remain silent.
Zechariah 8:16 (NLT): But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace.
James 3:17-18 (NLT): But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.
Dreamy Communication February 23, 2010
Posted by Amy in random thoughts.Tags: dreams, God's love, God's voice, visions
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Photo courtesy of The Pioneer Woman
I respectfully disagree.
Why?
Scripture points to dreams and visions – even in New Testament times – as a way the Lord speaks to his people. And if the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever, why would he change the way he communicates? Consider:
Joel prophesied that men and youth would dream dreams and have visions, respectively, when the Holy Spirit came upon them.
Joel 2:28-32 (NLT): “Then, after doing all those things,
I will pour out my Spirit upon all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your old men will dream dreams,
and your young men will see visions.
In those days I will pour out my Spirit
even on servants—men and women alike.
In Acts 9, the Lord came to Ananias in a vision, telling him to restore Saul’s sight. He also gave Saul a vision that Ananias would come lay on hands on him and heal his sight.
In Acts 10, Peter has a vision that reveals to him that the Gospel message is for the Gentiles as well as the Jews.
Too Busy to Listen
I also believe that God has to speak to some of us through dreams because we’re unintentionally too distracted by our daily lives to hear God speak any other way. He has to come to us when we’re still and quiet and sometimes that only happens, sadly, when we sleep.
Personal Experience
I feel that God has spoken to me through dreams many times, as recently as last week.
Last week, I dreamt I was talking and walking with my great-grandmother, who passed away in 1992 at the age of 98. She was bed-ridden at a nursing home the last I saw her. Not in the dream. I believe God gave me a picture of how she’s been restored in her eternal body. (1 Corinthians 15:53: For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.) What a blessing to see her in a new light.
By the conversation I had with grandma, it was clear to me that she’s watching over me and is pleased with the faith that is now cornerstone in my life. She was such a godly woman and often spoke of God’s faithfulness when I would visit her. She left a legacy of faith for me. I’m pleased to bring honor to that legacy.
I always felt special when I spent time with grandma. This was still true in the dream. I felt cherished. My heart overflowed. I awoke on the verge of joyful tears. Not only did I sense Grandma’s presence and love in my life today, I also felt God’s love and presence. The dream was a gift from God, for which my response of “thank you” hardly seems adequate. This dream clearly communicated to me a message that I have hard time accepting in my waking hours: that God loves me, and each of us, unconditionally, without us having to earn it.
So those are my reasons for believing that God does still speak to us through dreams. What do you think? Does God still speak to us through dreams?
As I was writing this post, I came across this same subject at Gospel.com.
My ‘Real Me’ Experiment February 22, 2010
Posted by Amy in random thoughts.Tags: approval addiction, makeup, real me
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On my recent trip to Utah, I did a ‘real me’ experiment. I left my makeup at home for the six (well, seven) day trip. The idea is to not hide the real me beneath the pretense of makeup and societal expectations. I learned of the real me deal through Anne Jackson, author of Mad Church Disease and blogger at Flowerdust.net. Check out this video from her (and read the text below the video window):
Take it Off from Anne Jackson on Vimeo.
So, what did I learn through my experiment?
Nobody around me cared whether I wore mascara and eye liner and the other accoutrements.
But I did.
Yes, I understand that beauty is only skin deep, that true beauty comes from the heart. I really felt frumpy and lazy though, which may stem from years and years of ritual. I’m accustomed to my “look” with makeup. Perhaps if I went without makeup for more than 6 days I would become accustomed to my look without it. At this point, however, the lack of makeup had a negative effect on my self-esteem – which heaven knows needs some help even on an average day. I suppose tying my self-esteem to outward beauty will have a compounded negative effect as I age and see more wrinkles, which cannot be disguised even with makeup.
Being that I work from home, there are many days that I don’t wear makeup simply because it’s unnecessary. Even those days, I feel lazy and unattractive but see no sense in putting makeup on if I’m not leaving the house.
Which leads me to my second conclusion…
It wasn’t until I started writing this that I realized that my reaction to my experiment comes from my concern for other people’s opinions of me. No one who crossed my path probably noticed my lack of makeup but I was afraid that they might and think that I was ugly or lazy for not conforming to the typical beauty routine.
How laughable.
My need for others’ approval runs much deeper than just my physical appearance. This is a deeply rooted behavior. The truth is I shouldn’t care what others think of me – with or without makeup. I am just as God made me to be. Wearing makeup doesn’t change who I am. On the other hand, if putting on my face paint gives me more confidence, it can help me in professional interactions which, in turn, could help me be more successful — not because other people care but because I care.
I aspire to have Paul’s attitude in 1 Corinthians 4:3-4 (NLT): “As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point…It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide.”
I’m not there yet. Until I can give up my “approval addiction,” I will continue wearing makeup. And if you see me without it someday, please do me a favor and tell me I look good.
1 Timothy 2:10 (NLT): For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.
Yeah, That Got My Attention February 20, 2010
Posted by Amy in random thoughts.Tags: accountability, criticism, negativity
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Do you ever have those moments when scripture smacks you across the face? When it really gets your attention and says, “Hey you, listen up, you need to know this.”? Yeah, I had one of those moments last week.
It was Luke 6:37-38 (The Message): “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”
That same day I was reading another book that said that the more loving kindness you give to yourself, the more you can give to others.
Okay, God, I get it. I know that I can be critical and negative of people, starting with myself. I know that we’re to make allowances for others faults. How many of us need to make allowances for our own faults?
I guess I’ve always been aware of the need to be gracious towards myself and others. I have the best of intentions to change but it hasn’t happened yet. It’s only when we make an action plan for change that will can implement change and make it stick. And if I don’t change this time, God will get my attention again. It’s clear he wants me to pay attention this time.
So, here’s my plan:
1. Accountability: Enlist someone else to tell me when I’m being negative and critical. (I already have one person on board, now you can help, too.)
2. Pray: For God’s help, for him to reveal to me when I’m being negative and critical.
3. Adjust my expectations: Perfection is not realistic. Short of perfection, what is acceptable?
4. Sleep: Stress and exhaustion seem to deplete my resolve, so I need to get more sleep.
5. Celebrate success: Note when I successfully encourage others or do not criticize someone when I would have in the past. Note how it felt to be gracious and how the other person responded.
What else might help? Are there any other things to add to my plan?
Holding Tightly to the Reins February 17, 2010
Posted by Amy in devotion.Tags: control, surrender, trust
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Photo courtesy of The Pioneer Woman (www.thepioneerwoman.com)
Battle of Wills
Generally what ensues is a battle of wills. My attempts to control him through bit pressure cause him to get nervous and frustrated, and work up an unnecessary sweat. Sometimes he tosses his head to see if he can yank the reins out of my hands and release the pressure. He’s usually prancing by this point. And I’m incredibly frustrated.
How often do we encounter the same battle of wills with people in our lives or life circumstances? The more we try to control others, the more tense our relationships become. People aren’t to be controlled and holding tightly to their reins will result in anger, disagreements, resentment and broken relationships. The more we try to control uncontrollable events and circumstances, the more anxious we can become.
Learning as I Go
I’m trying to sell my house right now. It’s unnerving for me because I can’t control the situation. I can’t make someone buy my house. I don’t know if a buyer will come this week or next or a month from now. Where will I move once the house sells? I don’t know that either. It feels like my life is in limbo and that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s as if I tried to ride Ernie without a bridle and bit, or even a lead rope and halter. (I’m no Stacy Westfall and Ernie isn’t very trainable at 24.)
While counterintuitive, sometimes the best thing I can do when Ernie and I are vying for control is to drop the reins and relax. When he feels me relax, he does the same. Eventually he settles back into a walk. The same is true for life circumstances. The best thing we can do is to let go of control and trust God with the outcome and the timing. The sooner we learn this, the sooner we will have peace in our lives. With my house situation, I feel like I’m free falling. But I have to trust that God will catch me or I will be a basket case.
What or who in your life do you try to control? Why do you try to control it/them? What’s one small step you can take today to loosen your grip on the reins?
1 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT): [Love] does not demand its own way.
Ecclesiastes 7:13 (NLT): Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked?
