Forgiveness

I have high expectations of myself. At times, these expectations have helped me succeed in new endeavors and business. Sometimes though my expectations cause me to be disappointed in myself.

It’s a destructive pattern. I mull over my mistakes repeatedly, replaying the details and the humiliation again and again. Why did I say that? Why didn’t I do this instead? What was I thinking? It’s sickening. And yet, I have not yet figured out how to forgive myself for my mistakes. I’m certainly not Jesus and therefore am not perfect, so I why would I expect perfection in everything I do?

My eyes were opened recently to how hurtful this behavior is. I saw the weight of self condemnation and unforgiveness in someone else. I wept along with this person, only for different reasons. My heart broke for her because she didn’t see how God had already forgiven her. The Spirit told me He’d already forgiven her and his heart was breaking for the way she was treating herself. If God had forgiven her, why was she still carrying the burden of shame and guilt?

I realized later that I was basically looking in the mirror. I have been in that place many times and never felt God’s forgiveness because I was mired in my own shame. I was so busy beating myself up, I couldn’t possibly hear from God. God used that situation to help me understand how ugly my unforgiveness toward myself really is. I’m thankful my eyes have been opened. Maybe now I’ll be little less severe on myself because I know that God has forgiven me and he doesn’t want me to be living in self-condemnation.

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” No condemnation from ourselves, from others, from Satan.

Forgiveness may not always be deserved; sometimes it’s a gift. When we give that gift, whether to ourselves or another, we’re modeling the greatest gift ever — God’s forgiveness of us.