I’m a disciplined person. It’s a trait that I developed early in life. I recognized the rewards for being disciplined and trying harder. If I tried harder in school, I was rewarded with better grades. If I exercised more and longer, I lost weight. If I worked longer hours at work, I received recognition from my bosses. I’ve learned that hard work and discipline bring rewards. This personality trait is helpful in so many ways.
It’s also harmful to my emotional well being at times. There are things in life that don’t change no matter how much I apply myself to a situation – no matter how disciplined I am. My subconscious believes that the harder I work at getting someone to like me, the more they’ll like me. Well, that’s just not the case. I also subconsciouly believe that if worker harder or longer, I will achieve perfection. Ridiculous. My disciplined nature has become a curse in some respects because I can’t distinguish between those situations where discipline and hard work will lead to a reward versus just making me crazy.
In my faith walk, being disciplined is both good and not so good. I am disciplined to set aside time every morning for Bible study and prayer – this has brought me closer to God, helped me learn scripture and understand his standards for living. No matter how much harder I work at spiritual pursuits, however, I can never earn my salvation. That’s already been accomplished through Christ’s death on the cross. I can try harder to fully understand God’s love for me but even that can’t be forced or learned. I could volunteer for every church activity and participate in every Bible study, and yet they won’t help me know God’s heart. I need to listen to God’s voice and yield to the Holy Spirit to convert my head knowledge into a heartfelt understanding of God’s love. When it comes to God, sometimes the most important thing I can do is…nothing. That might be the hardest thing ever for someone who’s used to persistently working harder and longer.
“Be still, and know that I am God;” Psalm 46:10
