Ernie has a stubborn streak. Once in a great while he refuses to get into the trailer. He’s been known to persist at trotting or prancing in spite of my requests to walk. At times, he bites down on the bit and forcefully turns back toward the barn without my consent. He digs in his heels and tries to do what he wants. He wants to have his own way.
Why? And at what cost? I always succeed at loading him into the trailer when he’s stubborn. When he doesn’t walk when I ask, I continue to pull back on the reins, causing pressure in his mouth. When he demands that we go back to the barn, I always spin him around and continue in the opposite direction. He has yet to “win.” He eventually submits to me. And yet his need to have his own way and refusal to submit to me often means his own discomfort (from the bit). It also means strife in my relationship with him.
Being Right Comes with a Cost
I tend to have stubborn streaks, too. I always have to be right. Why? And at what cost? My need to be right doesn’t serve any purpose except to make me feel smarter or better and superior while others feel belittled. It causes a lot of discomfort and conflict in my relationships. I gain nothing and lose much all because I have a point to prove. Do share this struggle with me? Do recognize when you do it?
Led by Human Nature
My need to be right leads to greater arrogance and self sufficiency. It’s evidence that my human nature leads my life, not the Holy Spirit. I read the words of Galatians 5:19-21 from the Message and cringe: “It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.”
Submission
Whoa. Basically, following my human nature and clinging to my need to be right can lead to self destruction. Not good. Instead, I need to submit to the Holy Spirit, just like Ernie submits to me. Then I will love people the way we’re called to love. I will have more peace in my relationships. Then
Letting Go
Is it really important to be right? What do I have to prove? What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t cling to my opinions or knowledge? If I really must be right, is there a way to humbly present my argument without being condescending, confrontational or just plain ugly? How will others feel if I “let” them be right even when I know (or think) they’re not? Might they feel respected? Loved? Smart? Imagine.
If you share this struggle with me, I challenge you to let it go. The next time you disagree with someone, just let them be right for the sake of the relationship. And watch for the results. Did the other person react? Did they notice? How did you feel? Was there greater peace and less confrontation in your relationships? Did you lose anything by letting them be right? Let me know what happens.
Colossians 3:12-14: Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NLT): Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.
