I’ve been riding Ernie for 14 years now. I know him and can predict his behavior in most situations. I know what to expect of him. When he doesn’t respond the way I’m accustomed or acts differently than in the past, we have a frustrating ride. It’s a tug of war of wills – he’s trying to figure out what I want and I’m trying to figure out what he’s trying to do. For both of us, it’s not a pleasant experience. If only we could talk through our expectations before our rides.
It’s the same with people, whether it’s an employer, client/customer, a family member or a friend. We have expectations – how they’ll act, how they’ll treat us, how they’ll respond in certain situations. And we have preconceived notions of what they expect of us.
Damage Control
When expectations between two parties are not in alignment, relationships become stressed. Hurt feelings, anger, disappointment. Sometimes those that we encounter could meet our expectations if they only knew what they were. Others are not willing or capable of meeting our expectations. In either case, we could save ourselves a lot of heartache and frustration if we’d discuss openly our expectations. Instead, we avoid those conversations because it might be uncomfortable. A few minutes of discomfort, however, would save much strife later.
Repairing the Damage
I’m reeling from unmet expectations today. I hurt someone because this person expects something of me of which I was not aware. Now that I know what’s expected of me, I know that at this point I’m not capable or willing to go there. That may change in time. Nonetheless, I’m regretful for the hurt I’ve caused and the fracture it has caused in our relationship. I now have to try to repair the damage.
Thankfully, when it comes to our faith, we know what God expects because it’s laid out for us in the Bible. “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-40 (NLT)
In John 13, Jesus said, “I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you…Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.”
In all we do, Jesus is our example. When we follow his example, we’ll be blessed. He showed us that love is both the way to and the goal of peaceful relationships.
Who can you talk to about expectations before frustration and hurt take place? When will you have that conversation? Make a plan. It’s important.
