On my recent trip to Utah, I did a ‘real me’ experiment. I left my makeup at home for the six (well, seven) day trip. The idea is to not hide the real me beneath the pretense of makeup and societal expectations. I learned of the real me deal through Anne Jackson, author of Mad Church Disease and blogger at Flowerdust.net. Check out this video from her (and read the text below the video window):
Take it Off from Anne Jackson on Vimeo.
So, what did I learn through my experiment?
Nobody around me cared whether I wore mascara and eye liner and the other accoutrements.
But I did.
Yes, I understand that beauty is only skin deep, that true beauty comes from the heart. I really felt frumpy and lazy though, which may stem from years and years of ritual. I’m accustomed to my “look” with makeup. Perhaps if I went without makeup for more than 6 days I would become accustomed to my look without it. At this point, however, the lack of makeup had a negative effect on my self-esteem – which heaven knows needs some help even on an average day. I suppose tying my self-esteem to outward beauty will have a compounded negative effect as I age and see more wrinkles, which cannot be disguised even with makeup.
Being that I work from home, there are many days that I don’t wear makeup simply because it’s unnecessary. Even those days, I feel lazy and unattractive but see no sense in putting makeup on if I’m not leaving the house.
Which leads me to my second conclusion…
It wasn’t until I started writing this that I realized that my reaction to my experiment comes from my concern for other people’s opinions of me. No one who crossed my path probably noticed my lack of makeup but I was afraid that they might and think that I was ugly or lazy for not conforming to the typical beauty routine.
How laughable.
My need for others’ approval runs much deeper than just my physical appearance. This is a deeply rooted behavior. The truth is I shouldn’t care what others think of me – with or without makeup. I am just as God made me to be. Wearing makeup doesn’t change who I am. On the other hand, if putting on my face paint gives me more confidence, it can help me in professional interactions which, in turn, could help me be more successful — not because other people care but because I care.
I aspire to have Paul’s attitude in 1 Corinthians 4:3-4 (NLT): “As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point…It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide.”
I’m not there yet. Until I can give up my “approval addiction,” I will continue wearing makeup. And if you see me without it someday, please do me a favor and tell me I look good.
1 Timothy 2:10 (NLT): For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.
