Isaiah 61:7: Instead of shame and dishonor,
you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

I attended the weekend retreat for my Water of Life class this weekend. The course helps people live life more fully by letting go of the past and living in the love of God.

I went into the weekend filled with anticipation and desperation. I felt so broken, a control freak out of control. I came to the retreat and to God with my agenda. I needed his help and knew where I needed it.

Stop Wishing for a Better Past
In the first talk, our pastor said, “Stop wishing for a better past.” How many of us hold onto the “If onlys” or “I wish I would have…”? I’ve heard a hundred times that we need to put our past behind us and live for today; I heard it differently this time.

Not Going There
During a session on letting go of shame and guilt, God raised something in my subconscious that I had done my best to bury many, many years ago. I discounted it by thinking, “No, God, we’re not going there. It’s past, where it belongs. What about this instead”? I always have my own agenda!

Well, God really did intend to deal with that situation from my past. I didn’t see it as shameful but he knew better. He knew it needed to surface so that I could let it go and not hold it over myself any longer. But it wasn’t until later in the day that I wrestled with it.

Self-Imposed Obstacle
Sticking to my agenda got in the way much of the day. I wasn’t able to fully connect with follow-up messages because I was standing in the way. During one of the prayer times, I told the intercessor/anointer that something was blocking me from hearing from God. I didn’t know what it was. I asked God to show me. He did, later.

Yes, We’re Going There
When the session on soul ties came up, a lot of self disgust and pain did too. It was like a volcano erupting from inside of me. I cried and cried as I approached the intercessor/anointer. I said to her, “Do I really have to go here”?, meaning do I really have to confess all my past ties that were holding me hostage? It was too painful, too shameful to discuss with someone else.

The process of confessing and renouncing (I repented several year ago) was so freeing. God came in and healed those shame-filled crevices in my heart. He replaced that shame with his love. Thank God, he kept pursuing me and pushing me to address my past wounds. Now my shame is gone.

Now, I will inherit a double portion of honor and prosperity.