Tag Archives: perseverance

Desolation

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The wind whips across the back pasture, spinning the snow into small cyclones and leaving behind crests and valleys. Last summer’s weeds are bent beneath the snow with stray blade poking through. The towering oaks are stripped naked. An occasional cluster of leaves bounce across the top of the crusty snow. From my view, there’s no life. It looks uninhabitable. Stark. Frigid.

DE Blizzard1 by Larry Wilder

Sadly, this is sometimes the condition of my heart as well. Desolate. Cold. Empty. Barren. There’s a yearning for more – to be filled up spiritually.

It’s a dark night of the soul.

We intellectually know God is present and active in our lives and yet his silence is as eerie as the wind-whipped field. His absence as stark as the fallow pasture. Bible study and prayer seem as routine and stimulating as brushing our teeth. We’re going through the motions and even that requires a major effort to continue.

Like the pasture out my back window, eventually spring will come to my heart. New life will appear. The hard ground will thaw and the snow will melt. God will bring restoration.

If only the end of this dark night were as predictable as the end of winter.

 

Question: If you’ve faced a dark night of the soul, how have you seen yourself through it? What did you experience on the other side?

An Assessment

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It’s that time of year, the perfect time to assess life. Where we’ve been and where we’d like to go. I suppose this is why so many of us make New Year’s Resolutions or why my previous post encouraged you to think about creating a life plan. Before I look forward, I wanted to take a few minutes to look back on 2010 – the good and the not-so-good.

In many respects, I will remember 2010 as a year of transition and challenge. A year of goodbyes. A year that taught me I can survive discomfort and pain. A year that testifies to God’s faithfulness.

It will also be the year I realized a dream. In Bruce Wilkinson’s book The Dream Giver, he tells us to expect challenges as we pursue our dreams. There will be obstacles that will test our perseverance and faith. We can choose to turn back or press on. Now that I have a new home, I’m glad I have persevered. I know there will be more challenges ahead because even dreams are not perfect. At least I know to continue and to lean on God when trying times come.

There are things that happened in 2010 that in retrospect I wish I had done differently or handled better. I hope that I’ve learned from those situations and will act differently when similar situations arise. As I think about those times, I realize there are two characteristics that I pray will develop more fully in me and my heart:

grace and gratitude.

Grace gives others and myself permission to be less than perfect. It helps me accept things, people and myself as we are. Grace and love go hand-in-hand. Grace preserves relationships; perfectionism and criticism tear them apart.

Gratitude helps me remember how fortunate I am. It helps me focus on what’s right with life rather than what might be wrong. Gratitude breeds contentment and peace - both of which are hugely important to our quality of life.

Taken together, I think grace and gratitude can help end the need to strive. Living in grace and gratitude, we don’t need to strive for position, wealth, acceptance or perfection. We can settle into who we were created to be, just as we are. That’s a great place to be.

Bumps in the Trail

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Many people have been asking me about my new house, assuming I’ve moved in by now. That’s not the case, however. So for a quick update, let me just say that this buying process has met many challenges.

speed bump by veggiefrog

It wasn’t long into our paper-signing frenzy that we realized our original closing date, Oct. 15, would not be met because Freddie Mac was slow to return signed paper work. Enter addendum #1 – an extension until Oct. 26. Turns out the initial delay was really caused by a well and septic inspection that should have been done prior to submitting paperwork to Freddie Mac. In the process of crossing their “t’s,” the listing company realized it was missing.

We were further delayed by the condition of the purchase agreement. Because it had been scanned and faxed so many times, it was unreadable.

Then there was the water test. I didn’t realize it but the well inspection didn’t test the water. Seems to me that would be SOP, but no. Taking a water sample to the lab, we learned that there were about 80 colonies of bacteria growing in the well. Yuck. Enter addendum #2 – seller agrees to resolve the well issue at seller’s expense.

This hurdle set us back another two weeks, one week for inactivity on the listing agent’s part and one week for shocking the well and having it tested. We would lose another week because the water sample drawn following the shock treatment was crushed in the mail on the way to the lab.

Finally, I have been cleared to close – Thursday, Nov. 4, at 10 a.m. Now a new challenge has arisen: my uncle’s father passed away. Sure enough, the wake and funeral are Thursday at 10 and 11, respectively. So, closing is now up in the air again.

These challenges have caused me to question whether God is telling me not to proceed with this home purchase, or if he is using this situation to teach me to trust him and his timing fully. I must say that through this whole process – from putting my house on the market, to selling, to living in temporary residence, to finding and buying this house – has been the greatest test of my faith in my entire life. It doesn’t feel good. My faith has survived but I don’t feel it’s nearly what it was a year ago. I’m not questioning God and his sovereignty, I just don’t have the heart connection as in the past. The fire is a smoldering ember some days. I pray for stability, new fervor, and spiritual awakening as I settle into my new house and new life. I know God will meet me there, because he is faithful – when we draw near to him, he will draw near to us.

Peace,
Amy

James 4:8 (NLT):  Come close to God, and God will come close to you.

Lameness

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Ernie’s lame. Not lame in the sense that he’s goofy or unreliable. He’s got a bad wheel. He has pain in his right front leg. When I saw him today he clearly did not want to move. I had to forcefully pull on the lead rope to get him to move up a steep hill, the incline adding pressure to his sore leg.

It’s particularly frustrating because the weather has been absolutely perfect for horseback riding. Eighty degrees in Minnesota the second weekend in October?? (The last time that happened I was running a marathon – not exactly ideal for that activity.) The fall colors. The gentle breeze. Bright sunshine. I had planned to ride all weekend.

Helpless
It’s also frustrating because I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t know if it’s his hoof. His joints. His muscles. A tendon. Going to the worst-possible extreme, it could even be a neurological issue manifesting in his leg. Is this how parents feel when their kids gets sick? Ernie can’t tell me where it hurts. I feel helpless. I want to help him. I want to make it go away.

On occasion, I feel that way with people too. I watch family and friends, and sometimes acquaintances and strangers, struggle with life’s circumstances and want to do something to relieve their pain. It’s so hard to sit back and let them muddle through their difficulties.

Taken for Granted
Ernie’s lameness has pointed out to me how much I take him and his health for granted. He has never been lame in the 12 years I’ve owned him. He has extremely durable feet that aren’t affected by rocks, mud, over use, etc. His lameness today reminds me to be grateful when he’s not. I’m reminded how fortunate I am to have a horse altogether. I’m thankful for him and need to not take him for granted.

Appreciate the Good Times, Resist Complaining
I think that’s the lesson for many of us when life is not going as smoothly as we would like: to be grateful for the times when it is. Do we notice day-to-day when life is good? Or do we complain about the little things even when life is generally good?

A friend and his wife recently had a baby – their third child. When I saw him, I asked if they were getting any sleep. His reply was heart-warming: “It doesn’t matter. I have a baby.” He was so thrilled and proud to have three children that it didn’t matter that he and his wife weren’t getting sleep. How many of us would have played the drama card, complaining about how tired we are to elicit sympathy from others?

When life is good, thank God. When life isn’t so good, thank God, and remember that it’s the days in the valleys that help us appreciate the mountain tops. The little things that nag us aren’t worth complaining about because complaining steals our energy and our witness to others.

In all things, give thanks.

Related Teachings:
An Antidote
A Moment to Celebrate
Cause to Celebrate

Lamentations 3:38-40 (NIV):

 38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
       that both calamities and good things come?

 39 Why should any living man complain
       when punished for his sins?

 40 Let us examine our ways and test them,
       and let us return to the LORD.

Philippians 2:14-15 (NLT): Do everything without complaining and arguing, 15 so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.

How Long, Lord?

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I’m always amazed at Ernie’s endurance. Even after four or five hours on the trail, he still has energy. He always seems to pick up his pace when he knows we’re heading back to the trailer. He always finishes strong. If I let him, I’m sure he’d race back to the trailer at top speed. He doesn’t let up until I let him know we’re done.

How different that is from me. How often do we start projects with enthusiasm and the best of intentions, only to fade in interest as time wears on?

Growing Weary
There are days when blogging is a challenge. Many days I don’t have a single thing in my mind or on my heart about which to write. My enthusiasm has waned. Lately I’ve wondered if this work that I had felt called to do is no longer where I’m called.

Definitive End
The combination of my study of Isaiah 6 this week and today’s message in church, gave me my answer. In Isaiah, the Lord asked, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” Isaiah replied, “Here am I. Send me!” He received his call to take God’s message to the people of Judah.

The Lord’s answer to Isaiah’s next question, “how long should I carry this message?,” was revealing to me:

“Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged, until the LORD has sent everyone far away and the land is utterly forsaken. And though a tenth remains in the land, it will again be laid waste. But as the terebinth and oak leave stumps when they are cut down, so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.” (Isaiah 6:11-13)

The Lord gave Isaiah a definitive stopping point. I believe he does the same for us as well. For many of us, he may be leading us to a life-long ministry as he did Paul, Moses or Elijah. Death is the point at which we stop.

Called for a Season
Others are called to serve for a season. Ester became queen by God’s hand “for such a time as this” — to save the Jewish people from destruction. After that act, we don’t hear about Ester again. Similarly, Rahab the prostitute was called to hide the Jewish spies and in return her and her family were spared when Jericho was destroyed. Christ ultimately came from Rahab’s ancestral heritage. (See Joshua 2.) Ester, Rahab and others had a definitive call for a finite period of time. Sometimes that’s true for us as well.

We’re All Called
My need to continue writing was confirmed in today’s sermon when the pastor taught of God’s desire to bring repentance, renewal and restoration to his Kingdom through us. Each of us is called to do that as Christians. Some may be called to bring restoration to their families or their children. Others are called to serve as missionaries overseas. Some have been blessed financially and are called to support ministries – to be the “senders” rather than the “doers.”

Finishing Strong, Whenever the Finish May Be
For me, I’ll continue writing “Teachings” until I feel God telling me it’s time to stop. He may lead me to do others things in addition to writing or, at some point, he may lead me to something else to replace the writing. But until then, I will continue with endurance the race set before me. Like Ernie, I must reach God’s finish line, not mine, with the same energy excitement with which I set out. Only then will my work be finished.

Question: What has God called you to do for a season or for a lifetime? How do you know your stopping point?

Hebrews 12:1-2a (NLT): Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

Related Teachings:

Finishing Strong

Facing the Worst

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In a recent Alpha session, my group talked about the worst thing they could have imagined for themselves when they were young. Divorce. Single parenting. Homelessness. Being forever single. You probably have one that you could add to the list. As a kid, these were unfathomable and tragic. The conversation intrigued me because these were things that the women ultimately faced and survived.

Were these self-fulfilled prophesies?

Interesting question. Because these women thought these things, did they bring it on themselves? A negative spin on the idea that if you visualize something for yourself (usually in the context of career or success), you can become it.

These past few months I’ve lived through what I had envisioned to be completely undesirable even a few years ago. Being without a home of my own was unthinkable. Locking away all my possessions was not on my radar. Honestly, it had never occurred to me so it couldn’t have been a self-fulfilled prophesy.

While we’re living in the midst of trials, we ask lots of questions: why? why me? what now? how can I change my situation? Sometimes God just wants us to stay where we’re at. There’s something to learn. He wants to show us something, do something in us or through us in that situation.

Don’t miss the lesson.

Here’s what I know: Every woman around that table who shared her idea of the worst possible scenario, survived. And none would say that it was as bad as she thought it would be. In fact, some said that they know they became stronger and grew closer to God because of that time in their lives. That’s why we need to thank God for our trials.

Question: What’s the worst thing you can imagine for your life? Could you survive it? How could God use it to display his strength through you?

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV): But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

James 1:12 (NIV): Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Finishing Strong

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At various times during last week’s race, I periodically told myself: “I will finish strong. God will give me the strength.” Or, “I can do this because God is by my side.” “Let us run with endurance the race set before us.”

At about mile 12, I was dying. I didn’t know from where I would get the energy to finish. My legs were spent, my face was beet red from the exertion, every inch of my clothing from my hat to my shoes were soaked with sweat. I was exhausted physically and emotionally.

And yet, I knew I couldn’t quit.

I had spent much time training. I had been looking forward to the race. I had kept up a pace to come close to my goal. I had come so far to quit just shy of the finish. All my training would have been for naught.

I had to continue on. I had to dig deep.

Sometimes life is like that, too. We’re weary and discouraged. That call we thought God put on our life seems overwhelming and burdensome. But we need to persevere because around the next corner, which could come today, tomorrow or in a week, could be victory. We may find peace and happiness. God may lead us to the job for which we’ve been searching for months. He may heal our pain and afflictions. We may have a huge personal breakthrough to reinforce our calling. We cannot give up.

In my race, God did give me the strength and endurance to finish – with a personal best time. I don’t know how my legs kept moving considering my depleted energy but they did. The closer I got to the finish, the more I called out to God for help. I saw the staging area and thought I’m getting close but then there was one more corner. Around that corner, I thought, is the finish.

Then came another corner.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I thought. “Where is the stinkin’ finish line?”

And then just around the corner was a channel lined with people and an archway of balloons to mark the end of the course. It was a sweet sight. I had made it. And to my surprise, my last mile was faster than mile 12. God truly carried me.

Question: What is it that you need to persevere at today? How can you remind yourself that God is by your side?

Philippians 3:14 (NLT): I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Hebrews 10:36 (NLT): Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

1 Corinthians 9:24-26 (NLT): Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step.

Unintended Outcomes

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I saw Ernie last night. My first impression was that he has lost weight. Even though I haven’t ridden him much in the past few weeks, he appears to be a little more svelte.

He hasn’t lost weight by eating less. That’s not possible with my “easy keeper.” I can only attribute it to the exercise he gets fending off flies. Those pesky nemesis prey on horses, biting them around their ears and eyes, tickling their feet and munching their exposed skin. Horses only defense is to stomp their feet, swish their tails and brush them off with a quick fling of their heads. Not much of a defense system, I’d say.

Female horse fly from Radu P

A Positive, Unintended Outcome
As troublesome, annoying and uncomfortable as the flies are, the weight loss is a definite perk. It takes a lot for Ernie to lose weight (about as much as me). I’m sure he doesn’t even realize he’s exerting himself more, he’s just trying to survive the constant attack.

How true this is for us as well. Life brings us many discomforts and trials to endure. We spend our time and energy battling the immediate challenges without giving thought to how God may be at work – how the experience may make us a better person. God promises he’ll use those times to refine us, making us whole and holy. Out of the “flies” in our lives, comes the unintended results: a greater ability to endure, added character, and strengthened faith. (No one can guarantee we’ll lose weight in the process though.)

If the flies are pestering you right now, hang on. God’s not finished working on you or your circumstances. He will give you strength and see you through. And on the other side, you’ll be far better off because of the experience you endured.

Question: What unintended consequences have you seen come out of your trials?

Galatians 6:9: So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

James 1:2-4: Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Repeat Performance

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Week after week, people who compete in the show ring or rodeo arena go up against nearly all the same competitors they did the week before. In a way, it’s odd. If you beat someone last week, why compete against them again this week? What changes the outcome from one week to the next?

Changing Conditions
Actually, a lot of factors can change the outcome. One week you’re really on. You and your horse are communicating well. He’s responsive to your cues. You have the confidence of a winner. Your timing is flawless. All things are in sync. Meanwhile, the person who won the week before may have an off day.

Coombs Rodeo by Moosealope

We face another opponent repeatedly – every day of our lives. Satan. Some days he wins us over, some days we stand firm in our faith.

Perfect Conditions
I’ve noticed that there are certain times and specific ways he gets to me. When I’m tired. When I’ve not exercised or have been eating poorly. When a full schedule runs me ragged. Those are the times that I hear his lies more prominently and the truth of who I am in God’s eyes less so. I doubt my worth in God’s eyes. I am discouraged. I know he gets me in these times, so my best defense is to get sleep, stick to my diet and exercise routine, strike a balance in my schedule.

Sometimes he causes me to doubt God and his goodness and faithfulness. I find myself asking “Why me?”, “Why has this happened?”, “What have I done to deserve this?”, rather than trusting that whatever comes my way has been filtered through the love of God.

A Formidable Opponent
We need to consider Satan our most formidable opponent – the one we always want to beat. We need to train in this competition as we would for one in the arena. Day after day, we need to read the Bible, pray and surround ourselves with godly friends. We need to take care of ourselves and maintain a healthy balance in all things so that we don’t get overwhelmed and stressed. I also like to memorize scripture so that when I realize I’m listening to Satan’s lies, I can quote scripture repeatedly until my thoughts realign with God’s Truth.

Remember, “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4 (NIV)

Encouragement

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About a week ago, I wrote about Envy and Discouragement. The entire world was seemingly against me. All my efforts seemed fruitless — blogging, work, spiritual pursuits, my house sale. I wrote in my journal that I felt like I was pushing a huge boulder uphill.

In the midst of it, I went for a walk, hoping God would give me a glimpse of who I am in His eyes. I prayed He would bring me one small piece of encouragement.

Just one.

In the ensuing week, he has brought me one piece of encouragement after another. A phone call from my dad. A woman wrote me a loving email about how I inspired her four years ago. Two people I rarely talk to or see referenced reading my blog. Words of affirmation from several professional colleagues. Two new business opportunities. And, the biggest encouragement…MY HOUSE HAS SOLD (at exactly the price God showed me when I listed it)!

Yay, God!

Once again, He has shown himself faithful. He has pulled me out of the muck of societal expectations and my own misguided thought patterns.

Unreliable Emotions
Why do we so often fall prey to our emotions? Why do we let our emotions or unplanned (negative) circumstances lead us into a black hole? The truth is our emotions are rarely a reliable gauge of reality. Particularly in dark days, they don’t often point us to God. Just when we need to remember God’s past faithfulness the most, our emotions leads us down a different path.

For as much as we like to believe we have gotten smarter throughout the generations, the truth is we’re so much like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years. They quickly forgot how God had delivered them from Egypt and through the Red Sea, provided food from heaven each day and water from a rock, and a cloud and pillar of fire to guide them along their route. What more could they want? And yet they questioned God. They thought their days in the desert were murderous compared to living in slavery in Egypt. They didn’t trust God for the future even though he provided for them in the past.

Remember
Words our pastor shared this weekend ring true for me as I think about my recent dicouragement: “Remember in the darknesss that which he has shown you in the light.”

Today, as I reflect on 10 years of self employment and the sale of my house, I see God’s light — his hand in my life. By blogging and journaling and discussing where I am with others, I hope that I am able to remember this time when the darkness rolls around again. It’s easy to praise God in the good times but our faith deepens when we can praise him in the darkness.

For a related devotion, see More Treats.

Thanks!
To each of you who encouraged me this past week — or ever, thank you. You were a voice from God speaking to me.

Psalm 121
A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.
1 I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!
3 He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.

5 The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
6 The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.

7 The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.